The Wonderful Pioneering Adventures of MUD!
by AzmariaHarmony
Summary: AU The kind friends of Ralph help him with his science project. Guest stars mud! MOAR MUD! Slight Jack/Simon and Ralph/Roger  Rated 'T' for implied sexual-ness and Roger and Ralph's "relationship"  AND MUUUD!


_I was bored._

_So, I opened up Word and banged on the keyboard like a monkey high on crack._

_This is the result._

_Enjoy._

"Tell me again why we are here…" Roger muttered. It was a good question indeed, why they were knee high in a swampy pond, digging through the greenish mud.

Ralph stood up, wiping the sweat off of his brow dramatically, "Dear Roger, we are merely exploiting a pioneering investigation through the dark macabre world of micro-organisms in this desolate wasteland,"

"This comes from a boy who's making a 'D' in English…." Jack sighed, rolling his eyes. He was ten feet from Roger and Ralph and five feet from Simon, who was whining about the 'utterly disgusting squishy feeling' yet again. "He means that we are being dragged into his science project, which is due tomorrow, I might add."

"Psh! My genius plot was forming in giant pulsating brain! Yeah….. that's it…" Ralph countered, "All right men, that's enough exploiting for today. Let's head inside,"

"Thank god," Roger groaned, sloshing out.

"What? Prissy orchestra boy can't handle a wittle bit of dirt?" Ralph teased, holding the jars of goo needed for his project. Jack was about to head out to stop Roger from smacking the blonde into the middle of next week when he heard a voice behind him.

"Jack?"

"Yes Simon?"

"I'm stuck…"

Jack sighed. Why was it him that had to deal with stuff like this? Oh, right. Because he was the eldest and therefore the boss of them.

Irony sucks…

"Try lifting your legs straight up."

Simon's eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tried to pry his leg from the mud.

"I caaaan't! Help meee!" the black haired boy cried, acting seven years younger than his age. Ralph and Roger sploshed over, the Jars of Scientific-ness abandoned in the grass.

"What's wrong?" Roger asked.

"I'm stuuuuuck!" Simon wailed, inconsolable.

"We'll get you out Simon, don't worry, " Jack said soothingly. This tone of voice was used only for Simon, when he got hysterical. Unless you count when Roger's thousands of dollars violin fell out of the school window and into the pond below. The poor boy was a mess for a week.

Simon sniffled and nodded, trusting Jack in a heartbeat.

"Ralph you get on one side of Simon, I'll get on the other. Roger, you spot us and make sure we're doing it right," The two boys did what Jack said and each Ralph and Jack had one of Simon's arms draped over their shoulder. The two grabbed Simon's legs.

"On the count of three… One…. Two… Three!" With a heave, Simon was raised from the muddy grave and ray of sunlight shone upon the boy, bathing him in a golden light from the heavens above.

The boys then carried Simon to the grassy dry area and set him down.

"You saved me!" Simon chirped, throwing his arms around a tired Jack, who, in turn, blushed a bright red. "You're the best Jack!" Simon smiled cutely up at him.

"You might not want to go to far, Simon. Sexually deprived creatures, like our friend here, aren't used to loving contact and it's medically unhealthy to suddenly throw it upon them~!" Ralph informed with a smirk. Roger snickered, and Jack growled.

"Like you aren't sexually deprived either, idiot!"

Ralph's Cheshire Cat like smirk, widened and he wrapped an arm around Roger's shoulder, who also grinned evilly at the confused ginger. "Oh, but I am, Jack. I find it quite amusing to see how sexually deprived virgins like you react to such a situation~!" he replied in a sing-songy voice. The two turned and walked back to civilization.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack yelled at them.

Roger snickered and looked at Ralph, "Do you want to do It again, tonight?"

Ralph grinned at him and nuzzled into the violinist's slightly curly hair. "Most definitely. I need my good luck charm for tomorrow~!

SEVERAL DAYS LATER

"The grades for our science project came back!" Sam said as he made his way over to the list of grades. Several kids looked relieved, while some went to go buy a tub of ice cream and rent a soap opera movie.

Science Project Grades

Samual Addison- B

Eric Addison- B+

Ralph Greenwood- C+

Jack Merridew- B-

Roger Nelson- A

Maurice Simmons- F

And so on and so forth.

"How the heck did you get an 'A' Roger? Ms. Lelison rarely gives out A's and you don't even pay attention in class!" Maurice demanded, looking upset.

"I'm just smarter than you," Roger replied smugly.

"WHOO! YES! That is my highest grade in Science EVER!" Ralph whooped, a large smile on his face.

"….Are you passing ANY classes?"

"Yes, math, history, and lunch."

"I would like to know why I got a B minus!" Jack said, walking to the lunchroom with his friends.

"I looked over your project. Your conclusion was awful. It was disorganized and looked like a drunken ape pounded on the keyboard for an hour and just so happened to somewhat relate the paragraphs together by chance," Roger concluded.

"…Brat."

"It's the truth, and I never lie."

"You could at least not insult me!"

"And when, my dear chorister, have I ever passed up a chance to insult you?"

"…Good point…"

"But-

"You have to get used to it-"

"Jack. Roger insults-

"Everyone."

"See? Even they know!"

"Hey!"

"Watch it buddy!"

"I'm just saying! You guys aren't the brightest crayons in the box…"

"Oh, hush it, Roger."

_THE FREAKIN END_


End file.
